Wow I feel like I lost months from my life – which I suspect I did. I think that the loss of my mother kind of merged with the gray of winter and I let myself have a very long pity party. I became self-absorbed and negative and forgot about joy. And that is such a downward spiral that just feeds itself. While I went through the motions of taking care of everything, I felt like I had lost myself. I have so much wonderful in my life but I just couldn’t really see it. I could give it lip service, but I didn’t really see, feel, smell, hear, and taste the reality of all the good stuff.
I know that I have had depression in the past but this really blind-sided me and knocked me down.
And honestly this feels very fragile too – this feeling better – I feel like I’m recovering from a long illness and I might relapse if I over extend myself too much.